Shine Your Color: A Conversation About Pride

Word count: 1600 words 

Time approx: 7 minutes approx

“Most of the time, sustainability is a conversation about energy and waste and what we are doing to the planet, but the future we want is a human one too”

I asked James a long list of questions for this blog post, about hiding and belonging, about languages and home, about what sustainability actually means to him. His answers were so honest that the kindest thing I can do is get out of the way. So here is James, mostly in his own words.

Two names

My family calls me Dũng. There is a tilde over the u, but it does not work the way it does in Spanish. Most people here call me James. I am twenty-six, Vietnamese, finishing a Computer Science Master's at VU Amsterdam in the Software Engineering for the Green Deal programme. I speak four languages, or at least I am certified in four, and I am learning Dutch now.

The things a CV cannot show

A CV, a transcript, a LinkedIn profile, those only show the surface. What matters is the journey behind the parts that fit on a page. Getting here took countless moments of doubting myself, of being scared, asking, what if I cannot do this. I am also more than a nerd that people assume. I go to parties, not often, but when I like one, I go a little crazy. I run, I crochet, and I learn languages now for the love of it.

Your life in two years

Before I started, someone told me, this is not just two years of your life, it is your life in two years. I did not understand it then. I do now. I came here to see the world, but the thing I could never have imagined is how much I would learn about myself. I understand now how I think, and why I feel the way I do, and what I actually want from my life.

“Pride is much more than one month of celebration. It happens to me every day.”

Twelve years

I had been hiding myself for twelve years. I will be honest, it is exhausting and scary, that feeling of not being accepted at some point in your life. Back home, Pride was the parades, something loud and far away. It was only last year, after I read a book about the history of the LGBTIQA+ movement, that I realised Pride is much more than one month of celebration. It happens to me every day. It is feeling safe, included, allowed to be who I am, when I notice the small things, like a pride flag that flies here all year, not just in June.

Choosing myself

Every time I enter a new space, I feel I have to prove myself more than other people. Part of it is being competitive. But part of it is trying to make up for being gay, because I am afraid people will look at me differently if I am just ordinary. So I have learned to ask myself whether I am truly happy in a room, or only exhausting myself, so I know whether to stay or to choose myself. I used to think belonging meant fitting in at any price. I do not believe that anymore. If fitting in means giving up who you are, it only makes you miserable. Belonging should not be that hard.

More than my job

I grew up thinking I had to be the best at everything, which is not practical and for a long time it left me feeling I was not good enough. What helps is to look at myself more fully. I am more than my job. I am more than my achievements. I am more than my body. I also thought my life had to be perfect, that one mistake and everything falls apart. So I am learning to forgive myself, to control what is in my power and let the rest go. It is not fair to compare your starting point with someone else's peak. You just need more time.

Being kind

People ask what my friends are proud of me for, and I barely give myself the credit. Some of it is the discipline of my ordinary days. Some of it is that I make them laugh, and trust me, you really want to go to a Vietnamese karaoke with me. And some of it is small. A friend I am not even close to once asked how I still remember to send birthday wishes when I am so busy. For a lot of people, that once-a-year text is our whole conversation. I do it because I know how happy I am when somebody remembers me. It is the same with sustainability. It starts small, because it is a way of living. The energy and water you use, the waste you sort instead of throwing in one bin. And being kind to the people around you, making them feel seen, welcomed, and safe.

A home I did not plan

Before Amsterdam, I spent six months in Finland and thought I might go back one day. But Amsterdam hits different. It is welcoming to me; it fits my energy. I joined communities where I felt belonged, and day by day, this place became home. Europe taught me to see things for what they are, not through my assumptions, to be more open. Some days I stop and think, wow, I am here in Amsterdam now, how cool is that. And I feel grateful, more than ever, just to be alive.

Shine your color

If you are queer and from a family or a culture where acceptance is complicated, the most important thing I know is: You have to accept yourself, because you will be the first and only person who can accompany you through everything. Give yourself time. It is okay not to have it all figured out yet. And if you are young and unsure about tech because of who you are, your doubts are valid, but you are not alone. There is a scene in “The Imitation Game” where Alan Turing says he never wanted to be different, and his difference is what made history. Find the courage to shine your unique color. Only then is the whole picture complete. Sounds cheesy, but you know what I mean.

He would stop there, embarrassed, and change the subject. He always does. I said at the start that the kindest thing I could do was get out of the way. I am going to break that promise now, because there is something his answers cannot show you.

We started this master's together. Italy, then Finland, then here. I did not meet James the way you just did, with all of this figured out and put into words. I met him at the beginning, and I have spent two years watching him become the person who could write it.

When we met, he did not want to go to parties. Now we go together. When we met, he did not know any of the lingo. Now he could give a seminar on gay culture, which, for the record, he sometimes does, unprompted. I am telling you this because I was there. I watched someone who had been hiding for twelve years decide, slowly, that he was allowed to be free. There is nothing in this whole degree I am prouder of, and none of it will ever fit on the LinkedIn post he is about to share this on.

“He told you we must accept ourselves, because we will be the first and only person who can accompany us through everything. He is right that we are the first. He is wrong that we are the only ones.”

So here is the one thing in this interview I would like to change. He told you we must accept ourselves, because we will be the first and only person who can accompany us through everything. He is right that we are the first. He is wrong that we are the only. I have walked beside him from one country to the next. He is not the only one who stays. He never was.

Dũng, I know you are hard on yourself for the things you do not have yet. So let me count the other column. You have people who would cross an ocean for you. You have a home you built from nothing, in a language that was not yours. You have us. You are more than enough, and you have never, not for a single day, been alone. I only wish you could see yourself the way the people who love you do.

You told the frightened younger you to shine his color, because the picture is not complete otherwise. Take your own advice. You are not the boy who got on the plane asking, what if I cannot do this. You did it. And the picture is not complete without you in it, exactly as you are, tilde and all.

If you remember one thing from James, let it be this. Belonging should not be that hard, for any of us. And whoever you are, queer or not, sure of yourself or still in hiding, I hope you find the courage to shine your colour. He is right that the picture is not complete without it. It is not complete without you either.

With all my love, and all my pride 🌈

Melissa.

Sustainable Development Goals 

The Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) are a universal call to action for all countries to promote prosperity while protecting the planet. This article is aligned with the following SDGs:

SDG 10: Reduced inequalities

SDG 3: Good health and well-being

Author

Melissa Puerto Aguayo is an Erasmus Mundus Scholar studying software engineering for sustainability at Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam. Rooted in grassroots initiatives and youth spaces, including the UN ecosystem, she works alongside Indigenous and local communities across Latin America, with a focus on the Caribbean and Yucatán, supporting territorial defense and climate justice. She also moves through youth and feminist tech and climate justice spaces as an ambassador and organizer, including Women Techmakers, 1MYAC, IntegraCode, among others.